• Tamika Felder had a radical hysterectomy at 25 to deal with cervical most cancers.
• Surrogacy can price as much as $150,000 and it felt prohibitively costly. 
• Final 12 months, at 47, she welcomed her son Chayton after an embryo adoption and surrogacy.

This as-told-to essay relies on a dialog with Tamika Felder. It has been edited for size and readability.

Greater than 20 years in the past I had no medical health insurance. Once I obtained insurance coverage at 25, I used to be lastly in a position to see a physician, who delivered surprising information: I had cervical most cancers. 

I had at all times dreamed of being a mom. When medical doctors advised me I wanted a radical hysterectomy, I requested about preserving my potential to have organic kids. However I wasn’t in a position to give you the $10,000 for egg freezing. Docs defined we wanted to maneuver shortly to deal with the most cancers. I used to be terrified and felt I used to be selecting between saving my life or my fertility. I selected to dwell. 

Over the subsequent 20 years, I by no means misplaced the need to be a mother. However I buried it deep, deep inside. I turned Godmother to many kids  — everybody asks you to be the Godmother once they really feel unhealthy which you could’t have children. I based a group, Cervivor, to advocate for different cervical most cancers sufferers. I helped change legal guidelines round fertility preservation. It was too late for these adjustments to learn me, however that was OK. I could not think about what was nonetheless to return. 

A fellow survivor wished to donate her embryos to me

Through the pandemic, I related with Ginny Marable, one other most cancers survivor. We turned on-line pals, chatting on Zoom or Messenger. In contrast to me, Ginny had been in a position to freeze embryos together with her husband, Sean, earlier than present process remedy. I stayed in contact with Ginny as she underwent IVF, which led to twins. 

On April Idiot’s Day 2021, Ginny FaceTimed me. I figured she wished to speak about life with infants. I had simply hopped out of the bathe, so I listened to Ginny as I utilized my lotions and lotions. Then Ginny mentioned, “You must expertise this.”

She defined that she and Sean had talked, they usually wished to donate their remaining embryos to me and my husband, Rocky. Listening to that was like an out-of-body expertise. I laid on the ground and advised Ginny I wanted to get off the telephone. After pushing down my want to be a mom, this felt unimaginable. 

I frightened I would not have the ability to afford a surrogate

I used to be floored — actually — by Ginny’s present. However even with the embryos, I wanted a surrogate. Surrogacy prices about $150,000, which was prohibitively costly. 

Via my advocacy work, I used to be launched to Stephanie Levich, founding father of Household Match Consulting, which helps join meant dad and mom with surrogates and donors. I advised her our story, however I left the decision pissed off: Stephanie was great, however she could not unlock this course of for me. 

Or so I assumed. Just a few hours after we talked, Stephanie requested me to get on a Zoom name to provide her extra data. I used to be stunned to see three different folks on the decision, together with legal professionals and somebody from a surrogacy company. All of them had agreed to waive their charges to assist me have this little one. 

Stephanie advised me she could not let Ginny’s present cease there. She wished to assist me have this little one. She secured about $90,000 in waived charges, and she or he even put cash in my escrow account to assist make surrogacy potential. 

Chayton is right here due to the love others have proven me

My son Chayton was born on November 21. I used to be overjoyed to study that was Stephanie’s birthday — it was simply one other signal that every one of this was meant to be. 

Chayton will at all times know the love story that obtained him right here. The love is not only between me and his dad. It is between each of us and Ginny and Sean, who’re Auntie and Uncle to Chayton. It is between me and Stephanie, who went out on a limb to assist a stranger. It is all through the cervical most cancers group who’ve dubbed Chayton the “Cervivor child.” 

Lately Chayton and I have been at a restaurant. A girl was watching us the entire time. As we left, she requested me if he was mine. I knew why — Chayton is biracial and appears identical to his white organic mom. However at that second, as an alternative of feeling offended, I felt sorry for that girl. She may solely see what we appear like on the skin with out seeing all of the love, generosity, and kindness that introduced us collectively.