• Elliot Web page as soon as backed out of a “sought-after function” so he did not need to put on a female costume.
• He wrote in his memoir that the prospect of sporting a gown and wig made him “need to kill myself.” 
• For Web page, it was “an excessive amount of” as “the function I performed in my private life was suffocating me already.”

Elliot Web page revealed that he backed out of a “sought-after function” in a interval drama as a result of the concept of getting to put on a period-appropriate costume for it introduced him to the brink.

Writing in his memoir, “Pageboy,” which was launched Tuesday, Web page recalled how shortly after the awards marketing campaign for his breakout film “Juno” ended — culminating in 4 Oscar nominations and one win on the 2008 Academy Awards — he accepted a job very in contrast to those he had accomplished earlier than.

“After awards season concluded, I used to be presupposed to make a movie in England. It was primarily based on a well-known guide, and I used to be hooked up as the principle character, a sought-after function,” he wrote.

Web page mentioned that though his “brokers excitedly spoke of the chance,” he could not fairly muster up the identical stage of enthusiasm as the concept of sporting old school female garb for the function made him really feel uneasy.

On the time, Web page was in his early twenties and had not but introduced publicly that he (whereas nonetheless presenting as feminine) was drawn to ladies. Based on his memoir, he was additionally coping with gender dysphoria, one thing he had been experiencing since childhood.

“I might think about myself in a lady’s costume from the mid-nineteenth century,” he wrote. “The gown, the sneakers, the hair, flashed earlier than my eyes. It was an excessive amount of after having placed on the masks for awards season.”

“I understood that if I had been to do it, I might need to kill myself,” he added.

Whereas Web page didn’t title the movie, Selection reported in 2008 that the actor had been forged in a brand new big-screen adaptation of Charlotte Brontë’s “Jane Eyre,” penned by author Moira Buffini.

After Web page dropped out, it took greater than three years for the movie — which was taken on by director Cary Fukunaga — to make it to theaters. Mia Wasikowska was recast because the eponymous heroine, whereas Michael Fassbender performed the a part of Mr. Rochester.

“It was an excessive amount of to play a job on-screen when the function I performed in my private life was suffocating me already,” Web page wrote. “I pushed myself to dispel the reality for concern of banishment, however I used to be despondent, trapped in a dismal disguise. An empty, aimless shell.” 

“I ended up backing out of the movie,” he added.

“It wasn’t straightforward to elucidate to my reps that I could not tackle a job due to clothes,” the Canadian-born actor wrote. “A face would scrunch up and tilt sideways, ‘However you are an actor?’ Wardrobe fittings for movies ripped at my insides, talons gashing my organs.”

The actor mentioned that whereas attempting on outfits for picture shoots and premieres, he would find yourself “spiraling right into a deep despair, nervousness boisterous.”

“I cringed on the method folks lit up when seeing me in female clothes, as if I had completed a miraculous feat,” Web page wrote.

Web page recalled how on the “Juno” world premiere, he was “planning on sporting denims and a western(ish) shirt,” one thing that thought “was a cool look.” Nonetheless, he was rapidly shot down.

“When the Fox Searchlight publicity workforce discovered about my outfit, they urgently took me to Holt Renfrew on Bloor Road, with a dramatic dashing that’s attribute of the Hollywood circulatory system,” he wrote. “I recommended a go well with. They mentioned I ought to put on a gown and heels.”

Web page wrote that he obtained a name from the movie’s director, Jason Reitman, who “mentioned he agreed with them, insisting that I play the half.” (Representatives for Reitman didn’t instantly reply to a request for remark.)

Nonetheless, Web page identified the irony that her costar Michael Cera turned as much as the purple carpet sporting sneakers, slacks, and a collared shirt.

“He seemed fancy to me. I ponder why they did not take him to Holt Renfrew. I assume he had nothing to cover, he was accepted. He match the half,” the actor mentioned. 

“Pageboy” by Elliot Web page is out now.