• My youngsters are 5 and eight, and my husband is 53.
• My husband’s dad and mom additionally had him late in life, sothey’re now not alive.
• My youngsters are beginning elementary college, whereas their first cousins are turning 50.

Having my first little one at 35 and my second three years later, I used to be known as a “mom of superior maternal age” or, even worse, a “geriatric” pregnant lady, which felt like a stretch. I am not even the older mum or dad — my husband was 45 and 48 throughout my pregnancies.

And since my husband has a lot older siblings, my youngsters’ first cousins are of their 50s. 

My husband was additionally a late-in-life child

We would each gotten to discover our pursuits — I traveled the world; he was in a number of bands — and felt positive of who we have been as people, and as a pair, earlier than we determined to have youngsters. Kids born to older dad and mom might have completely different household constructions than their friends — and that is true for us. My husband was additionally a late-in-life child, born to folks who have been 44 and 49 who’d had three youngsters twenty years earlier. My oldest sister-in-law is a number of years older than my dad and mom — extra like a mother-in-law. Had I identified them, my mother- and father-in-law would have been older than all my grandparents.

My husband’s dad and mom — who can be 104 and 99 at this time — handed away in 1971 and 1990 years in the past, as have two of his siblings. It is unlucky that our kids won’t ever know their paternal grandparents or their aunt and uncle.

In the case of prolonged household, our children are outliers in different methods. I am youthful than a number of of my husband’s nieces and nephews, and conversely, my kindergartener has first cousins sending youngsters off to varsity. In these instances, my youngsters are shut with the youngsters of their first cousins, whatever the exact relationship. Cousins are cousins. What they know is that a lot of folks love them.

We doc all the things so our children can know the place they got here from 

One in every of my takeaways from that is the significance of documentation. Pictures are distinguished in our residence, and we frequently discuss those that aren’t right here. Our departed members of the family are vivid sufficient within the youngsters’ minds that my son made a card for his late grandmother this Mom’s Day. 

We’re additionally being proactive about capturing our personal reminiscences — I received my husband a Storyworth subscription final Father’s Day, and he is writing his life story so we’ll at all times have it. We’re sensible about what the longer term may maintain and have wills in place and our ultimate resting locations paid for. Our youngsters have a nuanced understanding of dying as a result of we have talked about how my husband has handled loss.

There are advantages to having youngsters if you’re older

My husband says he is completely satisfied to have the ability to spend high quality time with our children with out questioning what he is lacking out on. From a sensible standpoint, being the final in a household or pal group to have youngsters signifies that many people have child gear to move on. We had to purchase little or no. Our youngsters have a killer assortment of basic classic toys and data — household legends at this level — that my sister-in-law had saved. And the sensible data we may faucet into was invaluable. One in every of my husband’s first cousins is a retired elementary-school instructor who likes to share data with small youngsters once we go to.

As a result of we would labored for years earlier than parenthood, we have been in a safe place financially when our kids got here alongside, with pupil debt paid and retirement financial savings underway. My husband, who workouts day-after-day and follows a pescetarian eating regimen, has the well being of a a lot youthful particular person. If we proceed to take a position, he may be capable to retire sooner and revel in extra flexibility across the time that our children are touring faculties and in search of flats.

Other than the ache of dropping members of the family sooner than most, there are some challenges to being an older dad. We have needed to be extra self-sufficient with one much less set of grandparents as a security web, when it comes to each funds and childcare. A few of our mates who had youngsters earlier in life are actually empty nesters, as soon as once more having fun with rock reveals and late nights.

That mentioned, our children are retaining us extra lively than we’d have been with out them.