- Elona Washington, 51, is a mom of two grownup kids.
- She’s all the time believed it is her accountability to lift impartial children and information them as such.
- Washington discovered a sensible answer to assist her son transition into maturity.
This as-told-to essay is predicated on a dialog with Elona Washington. It has been edited for size and readability.
I used to be 20 years outdated after I had my first baby, my daughter, Brynna. I had a second baby at 32 years outdated, my son, Emmanuel.
Once they had been in center and highschool, I began speaking to my children about what would occur after they turned 18. I imagine my job as a father or mother is to lift accountable residents. I did not assume letting my kids keep in my home after they had been 18, whether or not they had a job or not, was accountable — I wished them to be taught independence.
If my children had a tough time, I, after all, could be there for them. I simply did not need them to should depend on me a lot. I wished to encourage them to develop into accountable adults.
My son had a tougher time leaving my residence than my daughter did
When my daughter turned 18, she started a five-year stint at an airline. When COVID-19 hit, she determined to get licensed as an esthetician. She’s thriving in her profession, making $200,000 a yr, and the teachings I hoped to instill in her have paid off.
Final yr, my son turned 18. I seen he nonetheless refused to be impartial and saved saying he might by no means go away residence.
Courtesy of Elona Washington
We had been within the kitchen, and he saved saying, “I do not wish to be an grownup; I do not wish to develop up.” I attempted to take that as a joke, however one thing about it felt totally different.
A number of weeks later, my son’s girlfriend texted me about his panic assaults. He was graduating from highschool and anxious he would not be capable to fend for himself and supply for a household.
In July, I began my advertising company. As I launched this firm, I thought of my son — he had all the time cherished advertising. I assumed possibly he would really feel higher if I let him work with me within the enterprise.
I employed my son
In October, I contracted my son to be a social-media intern and paid him. He receives real-life coaching, and we talk about technique and our targets for the long run.
He likes sports activities advertising, so he discovered a school coach who let him run his Instagram account. And a household good friend of ours let him run her Instagram account. These gigs pay him month-to-month.
After a few months, I requested him how he felt about being an grownup — he stated he felt extra assured. Working within the enterprise and getting paid by shoppers helped my son really feel higher about rising up.
My kids see the worth in studying to be impartial
We lived in a small city in Texas. My daughter instructed me she seen that some children she grew up with had by no means left the city and nonetheless lived with their dad and mom. She thanked me for pushing her and guiding her into independence.
My son is in faculty whereas he works within the enterprise. Final semester, he got here residence each single weekend. This semester, I instructed him we’re not doing that — I instructed him Mommy wanted house.
However my son has come a good distance. Him having work has helped him see he might be self-sufficient as a result of we, as his dad and mom and grandparents, will not be right here without end.
I’ve discovered it is necessary to set boundaries with my children as they develop into adults. I inform them I wish to hear about their life, however some issues they should preserve to themselves.
I’ve discovered that I can not let my kids’s concern cripple them — I’ve to assist them work by means of it.